My name is Riku. If you wanna be specific, I'm Riku Skymning.

I'm from a chain of islands called Destiny Islands. I've been there ever since I was little, up until I was fifteen. Then... things happened. I know the color of my soul is... purple. I don't know why. I think it's... one of those royal purples, that goes back to ancient times. I have no clue why that's my color, but I see it in the mirror when I close my eyes and focus. ... so I guess that counts. Either it's my soul or my aura, and that's pretty much the same thing.

Sunday, February 3rd

I think it's been about a week and a half. Maybe it's been two weeks, or so… Roxas and… I. I can't believe it happened so suddenly, just… there. And after all of this… it's…

… so confusing. I still love him. It's so—it's… frustrating. Why can't this be so easy? You're supposed to fall in and out of love, but… I haven't fallen out of love quite yet. It took a long time, even with Demyx. A Nobody. It shouldn't have been so hard… why do I always fall so hard, shit.

It's not like I could really tell him. He swore, two months, no relationships, and he was going to rebuild his friendships. I'll stay away from him for two months. Even then… I think I'll stay way. What are the chances he still… I couldn't tell him again. I need to move on… it's so hard. I don't think I want to move on.

I don't believe in myself, and I don't care how many people put their trust in me, I will never believe in myself. How can you have a nice self-confidence with a monster in your head, constantly beating your psyche up and No. No talking about that, not now.

How am I supposed to go around this? Roxas needs someone stable. He needs someone to be with him, after all that's happened between Sora and he. I want to be that person, so much, but I'm… I don't… I want to, but I don't at the same time. Roxas deserves better, Sora said and I say, but is the truth that we just don't love him? –I don't want to believe that. I do. I… really do, but… it's… a different kind of love. Or something.

Sora. Geez, I wish that… we could go back to how we had been as friends. It was easier that way. Instead, I had to realize how great he was, and why all these other Rikus love him unconditionally. It wasn't bad or anything… it was pretty nice. But actually having to confess it to him, when he already had Roxas—damn it, why did that have to happen? I was perfectly fine, perfectly happy just watching him be happy. I was happy sitting in the background. Helping him with his problems, giving him advice, being friends and nothing more.

I love him, and damn it, I don't think… I don't think I can stop.

Damn it. I'm done for.

- Riku

ooc; written journals are in a small notebook that is currently in turk!Axel's position (Riku fears for his life at the minute >>;), and whoever that Axel shows it to. this is the last journal logged.

[VOICE POST ACTIVATED]

[CONNECTING...]

[two adult voices in the background, as well as two younger voices. laughing and clinking.]

... uh. I'm at a picnic. With... uh. My... parents.

And there are practically fifteen guards to make sure Haley and I don't get lost. It's... kind of nice. Having parents, y'know.

[sudden chorus of 'Riku!'.]

--ah. They're calling for me. I--

[sound of the DS-laptop falling onto the picnic blanket. video flickers on. silver-haired woman, a few inches taller than Riku is standing in front of him. she licks her thumb and rubs something off of his face.]

Uh, Mom, really. I'm okay--aaah. [he closes one eye, and she kisses his cheek. she speaks.]

Come on, honey. Haley wants you to push her on the swing.

[he nods.] Uh... right. [walks off...]

[USER STATUS: IDLE]